Managing Overwhelm Part 3
In December (click here for that article), I began a conversation with you about a significant challenge that many of us face…..feeling constantly overwhelmed. Many are struggling with a sense of being drowned by personal responsibilities, work responsibilities, life’s complexities, or complex relationships. In December, I explored with you that one reason for escalating overwhelm in our lives is the beauty/challenge of technology. We are so blessed to be alive in a time when technology helps us do almost everything better and faster. However, there are also challenges with technology because:
Technology has changed the speed and breadth of our relational responsibility.
Technology has inundated us with information.
Our margin for restorative reflection and relational space is constantly assaulted.
I suggested that there are three practical steps each of us can take to address these challenges:
Intentionally withdraw from your pseudo relationships so that you can focus on building deep and healthy relationships. This is complicated and messy because people are complicated and messy. Do it anyway.
Limit your information intake that does not help you grow as a person or help you invest in your circle of influence.
Build intentional time into each day for reflection, evaluation, and restoration. These three activities are the building blocks for emotional health and wisdom.
In part #2 (click here for that article) of our conversation about overwhelm, we talked about the Art and Discipline of Restoration. Sustained disciplines of restoration that are equal to (or exceed) the demands of our life are the only effective solutions to pervasive overwhelm. In this article, I suggested that:
You should give your first and best energy every day to make sure your buckets are sufficiently full for the responsibilities of the day ahead.
The stronger your internal restoration disciplines, the more external stress you can sustain.
Don’t mistake amusement/distraction for restoration. They are not the same thing!
Discover the unique things that drain and fill you.
Develop small disciplines that create micro-restorations in your day so you can live and lead out of full buckets.
Today, in part #3 of our conversation, I want to help us understand the three broad areas of life that create overwhelm and talk briefly with you about how to manage each of those. Overwhelm is almost always a result of three situations:
Your responsibility or influence has exceeded your self-leadership. More on this can be found in this video. Restoration is one essential self-leadership discipline discussed in the February article. Being overwhelmed because of a growing responsibility/influence is a normal part of the journey for all growing people and will happen many times in your life. How can you know if this area is the main reason for your current overwhelm? Simple. Take 15 minutes to sit with a pen and paper to answer the following question:
“What significant changes have occurred in my life recently?” Examples might be: getting married, having a child, getting a new job, moving to a new house or city, experiencing a pandemic, or experiencing a relational conflict/trauma.
Significant life transitions often trigger a defining crisis that overwhelm our ability to manage our lives.
You are experiencing a decline in available energy. If there have been no significant changes in your energy output because of growing responsibility or influence, you may want to consider the possibility of declining energy. This could be caused by a change in sleep patterns, eating patterns, lack of exercise, or the early stages of an undiagnosed medical issue. Some of you have just had a crisis because I mentioned the possibility of a medical issue…..relax, that is very unlikely and you should consider the other items first. That said, don’t overlook the value of a good annual checkup from your doctor.
You are misplacing your available energy. Some of you are getting ready to stop reading because this sounds too simplistic. Keep reading because this is the area where I see most leaders making mistakes that lead to overwhelm and, if not remedied, exhaustion and burnout. Here is a video about managing energy in your life that provides a visual for the content below. Here are a few bullet points on this topic.
Each day you have a “bucket” of available energy and you get to decide where you put it. It can be poured out on:
Things you can control
Things you can influence
Things you can neither control or influence (hint…this is not a good place to spend energy)
We get overwhelmed when we pour significant energy each day into areas where we have no control or influence and rob the things we can control and influence of the energy needed to move our lives forward. Here are a few examples:
Listening or watching news and allowing our minds or emotions to be consumed with things we cannot control. Most news sources today are crafting stories to activate your emotions (so you will keep watching) rather than inform you of the truth. Be an informed human, but be careful with news that is trying to involve you emotionally in things you cannot control or influence.
Obsessing about something that is in the past or worrying about something that is in the future. If you do this you are pouring out today’s energy on something that is gone or has not yet happened. Does that sound like a good use of your energy today?
Trying to control people or situations that we can only influence. Parents struggle with this. Bosses struggle with this. Married people struggle with this. Men struggle with this. Women struggle with this. Kids struggle with this. You get the picture….everyone struggles with wanting/attempting to control things that they can only influence. When you realize that most of your life falls into the ”Influence” and “no control” categories it changes the way you spend your energy and radically changes your prayer life.
On the Journey With You,
Dan Scarrow
District Superintendent